#and sharing connections with other people

[shanastoryteller]

okay now that i've had some coffee, let's chat

specifically, about how you act on the internet is a blueprint on how other people will treat you and how this intersects with the functionality of anon asks

if you've followed me for any significant amount of time, none of this will be anything i haven't said before, or i think be at all surprising to the rest of you, but i guess it bears repeating

so let's repeat: how you act on the internet is a guidebook on how other people will interact with you

like invites like. if you talk about a topic, you're going to get more commentary on that topic. this is because you're demonstrating that this topic is something you're comfortable talking about because you are talking about it

if you respond one way to something, people are going to reasonably assume you will respond the same way to them if they send you something similar. if someone asks for advice and you give it, people are going to think you're comfortable giving out advice and that asking for advice is an appropriate way to interact with you. if someone asks for information and resources and you provide them, people are going to think it's appropriate and acceptable to ask you for information and resources

i've seen this come up with other people before, where they do one thing and get frustrated and upset when that generates more of that thing. but people are just following your lead

now, anon asks

the function of anon asks is that the only way to reply to them is to respond to them publicly. you cannot privately reply to an anon

this means that every anon ask answered tells people how to interact with you. it is not and cannot be treated the same as a 1 on 1 conversation. it doesn't matter if that's not intention or what the anon wants. it's the reality of the situation

i don't answer non-anon asks publicly, with rare exceptions like it's funny or i think my answer to them would be interesting to others and non-upsetting for the askee for me to share (there are times i've given things like writing advice or commentary that i've thought might be interesting to the rest of you, but the askee had something in their original ask that i though they potentially wouldn't appreciate being immortalized on my blog)

if there's ever anything that someone doesn't want me to answer publicly no matter what, they can ensure this by just including it in their ask. even if i was inclined to be a hypocrite and ignore how people want to be interacted with (i am not) i am obviously not going to post it publicly if you ask me not to because then everyone would see me do that and think, rightfully, that i'm a huge jerk

when someone is rude or critical of me on anon, they're putting me in an unfair position. i can either not answer them or i have to turn their answer into a public performance, consumable by everyone. there is no other option

the vast majority of people use anon to say something kind or neutral where my public and private response would be basically identical and that's not what this is about. if i had an issue with anon asks in general, i wouldn't have them on

by sending criticism on anon, they're protecting themselves by not having any of their opinions or thoughts associated with them. nothing they say is connected to them and they're free of any consequences of their actions. in contrast, if i respond, my only option is to respond publicly. which means not only is my response attached to me and my name, but it has to be publicly consumable, i have to open myself up to the thoughts and commentary of everyone else if i'm going to reply

that means, before we get into anything the anon is saying, they're demonstrating both that they're a coward and they don't care about my comfort or my privacy - something they obviously highly prioritize for themselves

if that's the premise, why would i take kindly to anything they have to say after that, no matter what it is?

additionally, if i respond kindly and measured to these types of asks, that tells other people that it's an acceptable way to interact with me

it is not

if this ask had been sent off anon, my response would have been: "glad you enjoyed the story. feel free to toss any typos you notice into a comment (easiest way for me to keep track) and i'll correct them when i have a chance"

when it's just me talking to another person, i can choose to ignore or gloss over any awkwardness or mild rudeness because it's not going to come back to bite me. it's not a performance or a guidebook on how others will treat me. it's just you and me talking

but because it's anon, i have to keep in mind that i'm not just talking to them - i'm talking to everyone else too. so i have to establish that: i'm not interested in a beta, but am more than happy to correct typos; i don't care to hear about about how my typos personally upset you; and, in this case, that this is the type of message i don't want to receive on anon

because if i don't make it clear what i don't want, i'm going to receive more of it. that's simply a neutral fact of how people and the internet work

the more considerate you are of me, the more considerate of you i'm going to be in return

tldr: if you want a response meant just for you, you have to ask in a way that i can respond only to you. which isn't an anon ask. them's the breaks

[astrologydray]

Lot of Eros in the houses

The house shows where your deepest soul-level desire, erotic pull, and karmic passion tends to express itself. the realm of life where you experience that “I don’t know why I’m so drawn to this but I am…” kind of energy.

1st House – Erotic Identity

You embody desire. You radiate sexual energy without trying. Others may project their fantasies onto you. You are the Eros energy. Physical appearance plays a big role in attraction and seduction.

2nd House – Sensual Stability

You crave security and physical touch. Desire is tied to body, pleasure, voice, and values. You’re turned on by the slow burn, and you attract lovers through earthy sensuality and self-worth.

3rd House – Mind Games & Talk Flirt

Desire comes through conversation, texting, teasing, and mental chemistry. You’re magnetized by witty people and situations that stimulate your thoughts. Erotic energy lives in language, stories, and shared ideas.

4th House – Hidden Longing

You crave love that feels like home or that awakens ancestral/karmic memories. Passion is private, nurturing, and deeply rooted. Often attracts soulmate or past-life connections that trigger emotional rebirth.

5th House – Dramatic Romance

You’re meant to live out passionate, creative, dramatic love stories. Your erotic energy comes alive through fun, art, pleasure, and risk. You may attract crushes, flings, or lovers who feel like characters in your movie.

6th House – Sacred Devotion

You experience desire through service, caretaking, and dedication. There’s often an erotic pull toward lovers you help or heal—or who help and heal you. Kinks around control, submission, or workplace dynamics may show up here.

7th House – Erotic Mirror

You’re drawn to partners who reflect your own desires and shadows. Love and lust are often tied together. You seek passion through romantic relationship, but also face deep lessons through it. You attract soul mirrors.

8th House – Soul Merging

This is one of the most intensely erotic placements. You crave deep intimacy, sexual transformation, and psychological merging. Passion often involves power dynamics, taboo, obsession, or karmic entanglements.

9th House – Erotic Expansion

You crave lovers who open your mind or broaden your world. Spiritual, foreign, or philosophical types attract you. Passion is tied to travel, belief, and growth. You want sex that’s both sacred and wild.

10th House – Public Passion

You express desire through ambition, visibility, or reputation. Passion is professional, karmic, or tied to public roles. You may attract attention or power through your erotic energy—or find lovers in authority or status roles.

11th House – Future Love / Soul Tribes

You’re drawn to unconventional or friend-based love. Passion sparks in community settings, online spaces, or through shared causes. You attract soulmates who feel like part of your vision or destiny.

12th House – Secret Fantasies

The most mystical and elusive placement. You crave hidden, spiritual, or forbidden love. Desire may feel like a dream, a fantasy, or a karmic pull you can’t explain. Can bring secret affairs, soul-bonds, or past-life lovers.

[starsinthesky5]

what are they like in public, like in group settings together?

a/n: last one for the night :)

───────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆───────

they’re the couple everyone lowkey watches without even realizing it; magnetic in a quiet, effortless way. they don’t ask for attention, but they draw it anyway, simply by existing in each other’s orbit. they’re not flashy or performative, not wrapped around each other for show, but the closeness between them is undeniable. it lives in the way joe’s hand finds hers beneath the table without looking, fingers threading through hers like second nature. in the way he rests his palm on the small of her back when they move through a crowd—not to guide her, but to let her know he’s there.

it’s the way she glances over when someone corners him into a football conversation, reading the tightness in his jaw immediately, sending him a small, knowing smile that eases his shoulders. the way he leans down to catch her voice when the room gets loud, eyes soft even if she’s just talking about the weather or some new podcast she’s obsessed with.

they always drift back to each other. no matter how many people are around or how spread out the group is, they close the distance in quiet ways—his knee brushing hers under the dinner table, her fingers ghosting along the inside of his wrist when she walks past.

she’ll absentmindedly adjust the collar of his shirt or smooth a curl at the nape of his neck while mid-convo with someone else, like touching him is as natural as breathing. and joe’s never been too showy, but he’s also never held back from loving her out loud. a hand resting on her thigh, his thumb tracing the curves of her rings while she laughs with a friend. a soft “you good, baby?” whispered into her temple when he sees her starting to zone out or shrink back from a too-loud moment. and she never has to answer with words—he reads her better than that.

when she talks, joe listens like it’s gospel. like the rest of the room disappears. he gives her his full attention every single time, even if it’s a story he’s heard a dozen times before—because it’s her telling it. and when he speaks, in that quiet, dry humor of his, she lights up. nudges him with a, “go on, baby, tell them,” like she’s proud of every word that comes out of his mouth. like letting people see that side of him—the silly, shy, smart, observant version—is something sacred. she brings it out of him, and he lets her.

and the way they look at each other? it’s unreal. it’s not flashy, but it’s constant—like they’re always checking back in with one another, even from across the room. like the connection between them is a thread that never goes slack. sometimes she’ll catch him watching her and tilt her head with a smirk, all teasing eyes like, what? and he’ll just smile, slow and soft, cheeks faintly flushed, like nothing. just love you. always love you.

they’re solid. intentional. like they’ve been doing this forever. they take care of each other in every space they share—without fanfare, without needing to talk about it. it’s just who they are. and everyone around them can feel it, that unshakeable thing between them. the kind of love that doesn’t need to be proven, just quietly lived.

[hairspray-heart]

This is honestly so important and something I cannot overstate, especially given the current state of the world. If you're in activism, listen to older activists who have been doing this longer and have managed to stay safe and out of jail. If you're in outreach, listen to folks who have decades of experience doing the work you're doing. If you like to grow plants, make friends with local folks who are doing work restoring local plant. You get the idea. Learn from others, and if you're older, share your wisdom with younger people, but don't be afraid to learn from them too. Have genuine conversations. Hear each other's perspectives and seek to understand them, not just respond to them. Cultivate connections.

it’s so important for your health to regularly interact with people at least a decade older than you who aren’t family, especially as a young person.

When my 45 year old teammate gives me advice on mental health and I know she understands because she’s had a tough adult life.

When my 32 year old friend tells me his life started improving for the first time the year she turned 30.

When the 60 year old man at the soup kitchen gives me permission to grieve by telling me I’m ���just a baby’ with only gentleness in his voice.

It’s so much easier to abandon and break out from the cultural idealisation of youth when you surround yourself with wonderful people in all stages of their lives.

[mrs-bluemarine]

Hey, so remember that cyber bullying is lame as fuck and we don't like people who do that? *edited with more information

Content warning for talk of bullying, body shaming, threats of harm, joking about sexual trauma, and like, manipulation?

So the tl;dr is there's a person who I've been recently warned about that's rejoined the selfship community. They've hurt two people I know personally and care deeply for. I'm making this post because they don't wish for the attention to be on them, which I completely understand

I don't have any personal connection to this person, however I value the words of these two people (who I will call Mutual-A and Mutual-B) and I only wish for their safety and comfort. I do not want any harm or rude things sent to this blog, simply block and move on

Reblogs would be appreciated, and I ask for people to at least skim over what I talk about under the read more. I don't feel comfortable knowing that my other mutuals interact with a person who's harmed people that I care for

^ their new user name, since I don't want to type here and accidentally find this places where it shouldn't be. I do believe they had a different selfship blog here, that has since disappeared, I think they deleted it, since I had the original blocked and this one wasn't.

Now like mentioned previously, I have no ties to this person and the only "interaction" I've had with them was seeing the incredibly rude and disgusting things they've said about Mutual-A. As a nonsharer myself and someone who fights with my mental issues, I don't think shaming someone's body and outright wishing physical violence on people who share your comfort characters is a sane or normal thing to do. If these screenshots look familiar it's because they've been taken from a post about this person in the past, when this was originally happening

Again, talk of body shaming and wishes of harm (which no matter how silly is still a threat)

________________

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As for this second person, Mutual-B, what they've been through with them was some time ago. While Mutual-B wasn't a victim of harassment to as big of scale as Mutual-A, I still think their feelings on the matter are important to highlight. I don't have screenshots of these ordeals in particular, only word of mouth, but I trust this person deeply, and never before have they tried to bad mouth anyone without reason. On multiple occasions with this person Mutual-B has told me they threatened to call out B as a p.ro.shipper, something THEY ARE NOT, simply for reblogging or interacting with posts with tags they didn't already have filtered out. I've know B for a while now and I can tell you that it's simply not true

Warning for jokes of sexual trauma/SA and manipulation

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That's all. Once again reminding to NOT attack this person, just block and move on. For a community built on self love and comfort I don't find any of this shit to be acceptable to have in it

________________________________

EDIT, because apparently we're not done here.

Since making this post, this person (will be referring to them/her as Rot) has since made a post addressing the situation. I'm also adding on more screenshots found by myself and others (apologize for the quality of some, as they're taken from my computer due to the picture limit) Going to go ahead and add another content warning for talk of SA/a character who has committed it, will add more warnings if needed

First thing Rot talks about in her post is how her interaction with Moot-A was a year and a half ago, which isn't true, right now it's been barely over a year and two months ago. I feel like this is a way to try to paint us badly by "Bringing up stuff from way back in the past", I understand a few months difference isn't much, this is a tiny nitpick I'm sure but it still didn't settle right with me. I can also understand if this was just plain misremembering.

Second point, as for the warning above, Rot makes it clear that she ships herself with a canonical rapist, J.immy from the game Mouthwashing. The fact he assaulted his coworker is incredibly important to the story of the game, there is no denying it or any chance that this could be some gross misinterpretation. Not that Rot tries to deny this. She understands who Jimmy is. She just choices to ignore it.

________________

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And I find that really fucking disturbing. Considering how she assures people she doesn't condone his actions and how she says she takes SA seriously, then why the fuck would you even ship with him in the first place? Would also like to point out that if you do choose to ignore the worst flaw of his character... there's still so much more to him that's simply bad. But that's irrelevant/personal opinion. J.immy is a well written character and villain, I can agree, however he is a man who should not be touched with a ten foot pole

Considering a lot of her harassment towards A was about how bad A was for "mischaracterizing" a shared F/o and how A diverged from canon, and how much she disliked A for it, I find it very hypocritical for her to ignore J.immy's biggest flaw. The fact she doesn't mention his actions in game isn't something I didn't notice either, whether that's intentional or not I'm not sure, but it still feels gross

She and others also mention the character K.enjaku. However, I have not watched/read J.J.K. so I have no comment on that.

My final note on this is simply. I don't care if you ship with villains, I myself have multiple characters that are villains or bad people that I hold dearly. (this is a reason why i'm hesitant to talk about this in particular) however. There's just some things and characters you shouldn't fucking touch.

The last thing I will add to this edit is her stance on pro.shipp.ing. She's reprimanded past friends for reblogging posts from pro.shippers, she's threatened to call them out as pro.ship for it. She also pointblank puts on her blog that she doesn't want that part of the community to interact with her. Except she still continues to reblog posts with the pro tags. People make mistakes, but the fact she's scolded and threatened people for doing the same while these posts get to stay on her blog upsets me

**I've also been given screenshots of dark content she's reblogged. Now I do agree with the statement that dabbling in darker themes with ships is fine (there's some big scary ""n*ance"" in that comment). I won't shame someone for enjoying fucking idk kidnapping or unhealthy relationship dynamics. Again, I don't think I'm the right person to play holier than thou on a high horse, but I feel it's worth mentioning since someone went as far as to send me those screenshots.

Warning for allusions to SA in the 3rd/nonfiltered post

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^^ last screenshot is added simply because nonsharervents has a "bad rep" because OP is neutral to/allows pro.shippers to interact

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[eclec-tech]

I'm so done with this AI garbage.

I have well over half a million words posted to AO3, and if what I'm reading today is true, it looks like they have all been stolen to feed AI's relentless quest to slowly kill the creative spirit of humanity.

I don't get paid to write. I don't get paid to beta. I don't get paid to edit work. I do it all for free. I love writing. I love to share what I've written and help others to share what they have written. Why? Because storytelling is something so innately human that we've been doing it as a species since before we even had written language, and I love that.

I share my imagination on AO3 because I want other humans to read it. I want to share my thoughts with them. If I ever decided to share the uniqueness of my mind with a computer, I would expect two things: that my explicit permission was given prior, and that I would be paid. Neither have happened or will happen, so I have two options. I can either stop posting to the archive and lose that creative outlet and personal connection to other humans, or I can lock my work and hope that such a measure will protect MY work from the greed of others.

For now, I'm opting with the latter. If you read my work as a guest, you will not be able to starting today. I will be going through each work and changing the settings so that only people registered with The Organization for Transformative Works will have access. If you want to keep reading what I write, and I desperately hope that you do, please make an account. It's a very easy thing to do, and it will allow me to continue to share my love of writing with you just like always, but with a lock as an extra step to protect my words from those who shouldn't have them. Make an account, and you'll have the key.

Thank you. 🧡

[lovelyzzzz777]

AstroRevelations Vol. XIV – “You feel like home, or maybe you don’t…” 🌙✨

(Moon in the Houses – Synastry Edition)

🌙 Moon in the 1st House – "I can read your heart like a mirror." There’s an instant emotional familiarity. The Moon person feels safe showing vulnerability, while the house person might feel seen—sometimes too seen. Comforting if mutual, but overwhelming if one’s not ready for that closeness.

🌙 Moon in the 2nd House – "You feel like emotional stability… or like a storm shaking my ground." The Moon person supports or challenges the house person’s sense of security. They might nurture them materially or emotionally—or trigger money/anxiety issues if unresolved wounds surface.

🌙 Moon in the 3rd House – "We talk like we’ve known each other forever." There’s emotional ease in communication. The Moon person brings softness or moodiness to the house person’s thinking and speaking. Could be a shoulder to lean on—or create misunderstandings if emotional vs rational styles clash.

🌙 Moon in the 4th House – "You’ve touched the parts of me I usually hide." One of the deepest placements. The Moon person stirs up childhood memories and raw emotional patterns. Healing and intimate if both are self-aware—painful if it triggers unresolved family baggage.

🌙 Moon in the 5th House – "You make my heart feel young again." Emotional joy, creativity, and affection. The Moon person brings emotional color to the house person’s self-expression. But if it’s not reciprocated, the Moon might feel like a toy instead of a muse.

🌙 Moon in the 6th House – "You take care of me in ways I didn’t know I needed." Supportive in practical ways. The Moon person may nurture through daily acts or routines. But if unbalanced, the dynamic can become emotionally draining or feel like emotional servitude.

🌙 Moon in the 7th House – "You reflect back my emotional needs." There’s a magnetic pull toward partnership. The Moon person feels like an ideal companion, but also triggers deep relational needs. If there’s insecurity, it can turn clingy or co-dependent.

🌙 Moon in the 8th House – "You touch my soul—and my fears." Intense emotional intimacy. The Moon person stirs deep psychological reactions. Can feel karmic, healing, or obsessive. Vulnerability is the price of this kind of emotional merging.

🌙 Moon in the 9th House – "You expand my emotional horizons." The Moon person inspires the house person to feel more hopeful, adventurous, or spiritually connected. But if values clash, emotional disconnection or judgment can form.

🌙 Moon in the 10th House – "You make me feel seen—or exposed." The Moon person affects how the house person is perceived in public or career. Can provide nurturing support—or feel like an emotional weight if expectations are too high or performative.

🌙 Moon in the 11th House – "You feel like a best friend or a dream I never dared to feel." There’s emotional understanding through shared ideals or community. The Moon person might nurture the house person’s social life—but could also feel lost in a sea of people if intimacy lacks depth.

🌙 Moon in the 12th House – "You awaken my shadows and soothe my soul." This is a psychic, intuitive bond. The Moon person triggers unconscious emotional patterns in the house person. Soulful or confusing—sometimes both. There may be emotional sacrifice or hidden feelings.

[triangularz]

beautiful said and I'll add a way too long dovetailing ramble here: I really work (often failing miserably) to live this and I can't underscore how vital and true it is in a life-giving way for me. this isn't a poetic cliche thought or something. it's a powerful, messy one. I don't always remember, but the risk is so worthwhile and fulfilling- to feel known, seen and heard whether you're able to identify those experiences as one's gifting you the sense of those things or not. so hard not to give up or fully close the door to friendships if you've been burned, struggle with communication, depression, insecurity, anxiety (which is more to just be honest about). I have given up sometimes. In any case, I'm sending you "keep at it" thoughts.

also: sometimes those connections are one-way for awhile or in general. there are ppl who pour into me in the way shared above and those I pour into, and those I have a real two-way, in the trenches friendship with.

the other also: in the midst of openness and risk (I know a lot of ppl think the word vulnerable is cheesy or over used but that's what it is) still exists the importance of being aware and discerning about someone's trustworthiness, the level of respect the person displays toward you, etc. in relation to how much you bare to them. I have to think about that sometimes. those are character traits not necessarily elements of personality: Your social dynamics might vibe so perfectly, but the individual might seriously lack qualities. no one is perfectly trustworthy or respectful or anything else. honesty is also about acknowledging our own inconsistency and hypocrisy and contradictions and backgrounds and complexity. plenty of forgiveness and imperfection and dealing with each other's small and monumental shit and encouraging and bearing with each other (I'm so glad my key people haven't up and left my ass with all my monumental shit) that has to happen to really walk with people and feel a deep sense of community. even considering all of that, dignity is at the core of it and I think that's what we're ultimately doing is affirming one another's dignity in the midst of the tough and good things that make us human. that saying is really true- that we might still feel lonely in certain ways, but we're not alone

ugh alright, all done

not even kidding be SO earnest. Be so honest and forthcoming about your life, your feelings in the pursuit of connection with others, and know being as earnest as possible in your experience is what quells loneliness in those who feel the same way as you do. Is what helps us feel seen. And builds community and resolve within the fact it doesn't have to feel so lonely and insurmountable. we need community and connection. You really are not as alone as you think, we're all scared. we need to hold each others hands

[honey-bitch]

Mercury in the Moon Persona Chart - Signs

ᡣ𐭩 Please support me by liking reposting and following me. Mercury in the moon persona chart can tell you what you think of your emotions and perhaps how you deal with them as we filter our emotions with logic and reasoning. This post is a generalisation and therefore may not resonate but I hope you like it.

For 0º - it doesn't have a delegated sign and therefore it will take the qualities of the sign it's in.

Aries (1,13,25°) - You express your emotions with raw honesty and immediate action. When you feel something, you don’t hold back—you say it or act on it right away. There’s no beating around the bush; you let your feelings out in the moment, and sometimes that can be intense. You tend to think about your emotions as things to be dealt with quickly, and you’re often ready to move on to the next thing without lingering on them. It’s all about being direct and true to what you're feeling right now.

Taurus (2,14,26°) - When you communicate your feelings, it’s steady, calm, and often through your actions. You may not be the type to open up immediately, but once you do, it’s thoughtful and grounded. You take your time to process your emotions and prefer to talk about them in a way that makes you feel secure. You think about your emotions in terms of how they affect your comfort, stability, and what feels worthwhile. It’s about finding peace and security in expressing how you feel.

Gemini (3,15,27°) - You talk about your emotions as if you’re figuring them out along the way. You may process your feelings through conversation, often jumping between different thoughts and ideas to better understand what’s going on inside. There’s a lightness to how you communicate your emotions, and you find comfort in sharing them with others, almost as if talking about them makes them easier to handle. Your emotions can change quickly, and you tend to think of them as something to be understood through exploring different perspectives.

Cancer (4,16,28°) - Your feelings are communicated softly and with deep care. You express your emotions in a way that seeks connection and understanding, often turning to those closest to you for reassurance. You think about your emotions in relation to home, family, and emotional security—your feelings are wrapped up in the need to feel safe and supported. Sometimes, you may hold back your emotions unless you’re sure the person you’re talking to will offer the nurturing response you crave.

Leo (5,17,29°) - You share your emotions with passion, and sometimes a bit of flair. You want to be seen and heard, and when you’re feeling something deeply, it can feel like your emotions are part of your grand self-expression. There’s a sense of pride in your feelings, and you communicate them in a way that seeks recognition and admiration. You think of your emotions as part of your identity, and sharing them can make you feel special and unique. Your heart is big, and you want others to see that side of you.

Virgo (6,18°) - You express your emotions with thoughtfulness, often analyzing them before sharing. You’re likely to talk about your feelings in a practical, problem-solving way, and sometimes you may keep them to yourself until you can make sense of them. You think about your emotions in terms of how they affect your well-being and the people around you. You may also find comfort in helping others process their feelings, as it gives you clarity and a sense of purpose.

Libra (7,19°) - Your emotional communication is all about balance and harmony. You express your feelings in a way that seeks peace and fairness, often looking for mutual understanding in relationships. You want others to understand your emotions without causing conflict, so you might filter them through a diplomatic lens. You think about your emotions in terms of how they impact your relationships and whether there’s emotional balance. You find comfort in knowing that your feelings are acknowledged and respected in a harmonious environment.

Scorpio (8,20°) - Your emotions run deep, and you communicate them with intensity and honesty. You’re not one for surface-level conversations about feelings; when you express them, it’s with full emotional depth. You might keep some of your emotions private until you trust someone enough to let them in. You think about your emotions in terms of transformation, power, and intimacy—you want to understand what’s at the core of your feelings and are not afraid to explore the darker side of things to get there.

Saggitarius (9,21°) - You communicate your emotions in a free-spirited, optimistic way. When you feel something, you want to talk about it, often with a sense of adventure or philosophical depth. Your emotions tend to be expressed openly, but with a certain detachment—almost as if you're looking at them from a bigger picture perspective. You think about your feelings in terms of personal growth, freedom, and the lessons you can learn from them. You may not linger on your emotions for long, as you prefer to move forward with an open heart and mind.

Capricorn (10,22°) -Your emotional communication is practical, controlled, and often reserved. You may express your feelings in a way that ties them to your goals, responsibilities, and sense of stability. You prefer to keep your emotions structured and may even downplay them in order to stay focused on what’s important. You think about your emotions in terms of their impact on your long-term plans and your sense of security. There’s a need for your feelings to be rationalized before they’re shared, but when you do open up, it’s often with careful consideration.

Aquarius ( 11,23°) - You tend to communicate your emotions in a detached, intellectual way. When you feel something deeply, you’re more likely to analyze it or look for patterns in your emotional responses. You think about your emotions in terms of individuality and how they fit into your broader worldview. Expressing feelings can sometimes feel like a mental exercise for you, and you may struggle to fully embrace emotional vulnerability. You find comfort in discussing your emotions from a rational or even humanitarian perspective.

Pisces (12,24°) - You communicate your emotions with compassion, intuition, and sometimes with a touch of poetic beauty. Your feelings are often expressed in a soft, gentle way, and you might find solace in creative outlets like art or music. You think about your emotions in deeply spiritual or emotional terms, often seeing them as part of your connection to others and the universe. You may absorb the emotions of those around you, and your communication about feelings is often empathetic, seeking understanding and emotional healing.

©️ 2025 honey-bitch All Rights Reserved

DISCLAIMER: this post is a great generalisation and may not resonate with you. I would recommend buying a reading from a professional astrologer (me) to get more insight

Dm for Paid Readings

[terraswallows]

Diary of an Awkward trans-girl : Day 13

Okay, so… maybe I went a little overboard, but gods, the things we do for friends, right? Hehehe. I’ve just spent my entire day putting together a birthday gift for an absolute cutie—a fellow trans girl who makes my heart warm every time she giggles through a D&D story. She’s got that sparkle, you know? The kind that makes you want to craft something beautiful just for her.

So I built her a Magic: The Gathering deck. Not just any deck, mind you—this one's themed around Dungeons & Dragons and dragons (because of course it is). It's chaotic, fiery, whimsical, and a little unpredictable... just like her.

But I didn’t stop there. Over the past few days, I’ve been slowly carving out a rune stone, something lovingly handmade. It's got that runic energy I know she vibes with, and honestly? It turned out stunning. Finally, I found the perfect pot plant— granted it's a little odd in the cutest way. I figured I'd get her a Venus flytrap as It reminded me of her the moment I saw it, and I knew it was the perfect plant for her.

See, for me… giving gifts isn’t just about giving something. It’s about seeing someone—really seeing them—and saying, “I know you, I treasure you, and you matter to me.” It’s a whole ritual for me when getting someone a gift.

And I’ll admit something: since beginning my transition, these feelings? They hit so much harder. I care more deeply than I ever thought I could. I find myself tearing up at the tiniest of things, overwhelmed by the beauty of connection and kindness. I want to make the world softer for the people I love. I want to lift them up, even in small ways—like through decks and runes and plants.

I finally feel like I’ve found my tribe. Other girls like me, who hold space for each other. Who laugh, flirt, cry, and share everything from body aches to crushes to how our estrogen make us feel dreamy and tender. These aren’t just friends—they’re soul-siblings. My chosen family.

And I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.

Because when you find your people, you pour yourself into them.

And they? They pour right back.

[loveemagicpeace]

Solar Return & Your Rising🌅

✨Imagine each one as the mask of your soul for the year, coloring how you move through the world, how others see you, and the essence of your personal evolution from birthday to birthday. You have to also look where the chart ruler of the rising sign is in the house. ✨

Aries Rising in a Solar Return brings a year where your soul is set on fire. There is an urgency to begin, to act, to break free from old restraints and carve a new path. You walk through life with sharper edges and raw instincts. Your presence is bold, unfiltered, and alive with potential. This is a year of reclaiming your autonomy — not just saying "I am," but living it. You might be more assertive, even impulsive, because something within you is aching to move forward before thinking twice. Life wants you to chase what excites you.

Taurus Rising in a Solar Return invites a year of anchoring. You become more in tune with the rhythm of nature, with your body, with the beauty of slowness. This is a time when you’ll crave security, not only in material terms, but in your emotional and energetic environment. You radiate calm, and others may be drawn to your stability. Your growth this year comes from building — relationships, income, trust — with steady hands and patient timing. Life slows down so that you can truly feel it.

Gemini Rising in a Solar Return brings a year full of conversations, questions, and changes of mind. Your energy is light, curious, and perhaps scattered, drawn to new people, new ideas, and new experiences like a bee to blossoms. There’s a restlessness to this year, and your task is to explore without losing yourself in the noise. You may find yourself talking more, writing more, learning, teaching, sharing, and rethinking everything you thought you knew. The world becomes your classroom.

Cancer Rising in a Solar Return marks a tender, emotional year. You’re more protective of your heart, yet also more open to the quiet healing that comes from truly feeling. Themes of home, family, the past, and emotional safety rise to the surface. Your presence may feel softer, more nurturing, more inwardly focused. This is a time to nourish your roots and honor your inner world. Life asks you to embrace vulnerability — not as weakness, but as strength.

Leo Rising in a Solar Return lights the fire of visibility. You are meant to be seen, to create, to express the truth of who you are without apology. There is more drama in your expression this year — not necessarily conflict, but boldness. Your spirit wants to play, to shine, to fall in love, and to remind others of joy. You might feel a deeper desire for recognition or creative fulfillment. This is your stage, and the world is watching.

Virgo Rising in a Solar Return shifts the focus inward. It’s a year of refinement, of cleaning the dust from the corners of your life, and aligning your actions with your deeper values. You may appear more reserved or critical, but underneath is a deep desire to serve, to heal, and to do things right. Your attention is drawn to your body, your routines, your work, your health. It's not about perfection, but about devotion — to the details that hold your life together.

Libra Rising in a Solar Return brings a year colored by connection. Relationships become mirrors, showing you who you are through the eyes of another. There is a pull toward harmony, toward beauty, toward peace — and yet you may also feel torn by indecision or the need to please. This is a time when love, fairness, and art matter more than usual. You come off as graceful and diplomatic, even when you're spinning inside. The lesson is balance — within and without.

Scorpio Rising in a Solar Return is intense, raw, and transformative. This is a year of depth, not surface. You may find yourself withdrawing from the noise, becoming more selective about who gets close. Others may sense your power and mystery. It’s a time for inner work, for facing your shadows, for letting old versions of yourself die so something more truthful can be born. The world may not understand your metamorphosis, but your soul knows exactly what it's doing. Scorpio is associated with rebirth, power, sexuality, healing, and hidden truths — so these themes will likely dominate your solar year. People might find you more magnetic, but you might also be more selective about who gets close.

Sagittarius Rising in a Solar Return breathes expansion into your lungs. This is a year to wander, physically or spiritually. You may feel a hunger to learn more, to travel farther, to dream bigger. Your aura is open and bright, and others may be inspired by your optimism. You are the seeker now — searching for meaning, not just facts. Whether through study, belief, or bold movement, this year wants you to grow into a wider version of yourself.

Capricorn Rising in a Solar Return brings a year of structure and self-responsibility. You are being asked to grow up in some way — not necessarily to lose your softness, but to rise into your strength. This is a time of building foundations, committing to long-term goals, and showing the world what you're capable of. You may come off more serious or reserved, and life might feel heavier, but there's a quiet pride in taking full ownership of your path.

Aquarius Rising in a Solar Return calls for liberation. You are stepping outside the norm, rejecting boxes, and experimenting with new ways of living and relating. Others may see you as eccentric or ahead of your time. It’s a year to explore what authenticity really means, and how to live by your own truth without needing approval. Friendships, technology, and unexpected change may feature strongly. You are here to shake things up — starting with yourself.

Pisces Rising in a Solar Return opens the gates to the dreamworld. This is a spiritual, poetic, sometimes confusing year. You may feel more sensitive to energies, more intuitive, and more emotionally fluid. There's a softness to your aura, a dissolving of boundaries — for better or worse. You’re being asked to surrender, to trust, to create, to listen to what the world doesn’t say out loud. This is a year of divine timing, of mystery, and of deep soul renewal.

-Rebekah🌅🦋💘

[happyk44]

[ID: A three-part Venn Diagram. A pink banner above the diagram reads, “Can We Talk About The Overlap Between… Autism, ADHD, and Schizophrenia?” Beneath the banner and next to the diagram, it reads, “You always hear people talking about AuDHD, but schizophrenia has the same if not more overlap with these disorders, and it’s not talked about!

Let’s start boosting schizophrenic people’s voices. There’s more to the disorder than just psychosis!

Graph based on my personal experience with schizophrenia, my experiences with autistic and ADHD communities, and the words of people with AuDHD themselves. Made by @/gray-gray-gray-gray on tumblr.”

The Schizophrenia only section reads:

Typical age of onset between 15 and 54 years old

Before the onset/first psychotic break, there is a “prodrome” where you have a drop in functioning

Reoccurring episodes of psychosis (hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, etc)

Likely had less noticeable or covert symptoms pre-onset

Often daydreaming, ‘in their own world’, hyper-self-reflective, ‘space cadet’

The ADHD only section reads:

Craves new experiences and novelty

The Autism only section reads:

Need for familiarity and routine

Sudden disruptions to routine are highly distressing

The schizophrenia and ADHD section reads:

Impulsivity and hard to sit still

Difficulties regulation attention and focus, also casual social cue difficulties

Jumping around or out of sequence speech

Difficulty keeping a daily routine

Forgetfulness

Failing to reach a clear end goal or point in speech

Less coherent progression from start to finish in stories

General difficulties with thinking clearly

Drawing blanks/losing train of thought often

Difficulties finding motivation to do things

Lots of energy some days, no energy other days

Troubles multitasking

Planning poorly or not all

The schizophrenia and autism section reads:

Self-soothing via repetitive behavior

Higher rates of catatonic symptoms

Social withdrawal or exclusion

Difficulties reading other’s emotions

Higher rates of personality disorders, dissociative disorder, and trauma

Difficulties filtering speech

Flat affect

Alogia

Concrete and/or literal thinking

Internally oriented behavior

Difficulties wording what they want to say correctly and disorganized speech

Difficulties with insight into what is part of the disorder and what is neurotypical

The ADHD and autism section reads:

Interest-based nervous system (meaning attention and focus is active based on personal interest, not how important something is)

Onset in very early childhood – before age 12

The schizophrenia, ADHD and autism section reads:

Stimming

Echolalia, echopraxia

Executive dysfunction

Sensory issues and overload

Emotional dysregulation

Interconnected/webbed thought

ND communication (infodumping, connecting ideas, shared interest bonding)

Increased risk of victimization

Hyperfixations

Higher rates of depression, anxiety, OCD, BFRBS, bipolar, suicidality, sleep issues, eating disorders, and substance abuse

Eye contact difference

Difficulties switching tasks

Masking

Hyperfocusing

Restlessness

Prone to boredom

Memory issues

Social situation difficulties

Time blindness

Difficulties with school, learning, and following tasks

Chronic disorder

RSD

Anhedonia

Alexithymia

Interoceptive difficulties

/end ID]

People with autism or ADHD: I have this symptom

Me, a schizophrenic: oh me too!

People with autism or ADHD: I have this symptom

Me, a schizophrenic: haha yeah I got that too

People with autism or ADHD: I have this symptom

Me, a schizophrenic: yeah I deal with that daily

People with autism or ADHD: have you been checked for autism/ADHD? It really seems like you have it

Me, a schizophrenic: you know those are all possible symptoms of schizophrenia too right? You know that we have more than just psychosis right? And we can experience almost every symptom of autism and ADHD combined right? You know that we are more alike than we are different, right? Right?

[madridnoora]

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ Forbidden - London

Eleventh instalment of the forbidden au - lsu!joe x oc

Full AU masterlist here -> ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ Forbidden

Summary: Daisy spends Christmas and new years in London while Joe remains in Louisiana and Ohio, but the string that connects them still managed to pull tight.

⋆｡˚ word count: 5.6k

18+ Content. MDNI :). Mentions of drinking, drug use, smoking and sex. ⋆｡˚

London is bleak and cold. The wind was sharp, the kind that bit at fingertips and brushed the edges of ears. Snow drifted past grey buildings, hundred of perfect flakes falling freely from a white pillow sky.

Daisy watched from the cozy nook under her bedroom window, in her fathers expensive town house in Kensington. A warm cup of hot chocolate sat in her hand in snowman mug while her kindle sat resting against her knees. She wasn't really reading anymore, her mind was wandering elsewhere.

She had been in London for near two weeks, and it was Christmas eve. Her father was working, as he would be tomorrow. He was always working. He ran a PR and Management company for sports clubs and athletes. His biggest client being Chelsea football club and a cohort of their academy players. That always came first. Daisy couldn't remember a christmas in London where she hadn't been left alone, except this time she wasn't.

Carson was out, somewhere in the busy streets of London, last minute shopping. He had gotten on a flight a week ago to come spend the holiday's with his best friend rather than his dysfunctional family.

Joe won the Heisman. Not that Daisy watched, she couldn't bare too. Bella had told her over facetime a couple days after the ceremony, and Joe had texted her too let her know, not that she had been opening or responding to the messages.

Joe had messaged her a lot. He had called her a lot as well. Always in the morning and always at night, every single day. She hadn't picked up or plucked up the courage to reply. She came close one time, the heavy emotional night before Carson got here when she found herself sobbing under her fluffy duvet looking through snapchat memories of them like a pathetic teenage girl and his name popped up on caller ID. She was so close, only a mere millimetre from pressing the green accept icon but at the last second she changed her mind.

Justin kept calling as well. That was a whole other issue she hadn't even had the time to dive into, but she had to continue speaking with him like everything was fine, like she wasn't completely aware that he was falling in love with her. So, she would answer. He would ask how she was and she would tell him she was getting better (she wasn't), and that she was happy in London with Carson.

The reality was--Daisy was irreversibly heartbroken. She spent most of her days just looking out the window in numbness because all her tears had fallen already. London seemed to move slowly in winter. Murky white slush softened beneath the footsteps of the people she would watch pass by. From her window, she could watch it all. From her window, she could detach herself from her own world and imagine the lives of others. A man with a cigarette cupped in gloved hands, waiting for a black cab that never came. Two girls sharing earbuds, heads tilted together under a broken umbrella as they shielded themselves from heavy snowfall. A young boy kicking a half deflated football up the sidewalk, with a blue scarf dancing in the dagger like wind. She could place herself in all of them and pretend for a moment that what she was experiencing wasn't real, that it was just some cruel nightmare she would wake up from but she would never wake up.

Daisy drew her knees up to her chest and tucked her chin low. A thick knit sweater covered her body. It had gotten bigger on her since she arrived, her appetite not what it used to be two weeks ago, before the missile hit her and left a hole in her chest.

He didn't do anything wrong. There was this small sick and twisted voice in her head telling her that all the time. A evil voice of weakness. The same voice she used to follow back to Lucas, but she refused the follow it this time. This is different. Joe didn't cheat. He didn't even break the arrangement. You just thought it meant something more and got hurt. This is your own fault. There it was again whispering to her. Sometimes she would think it was right, and she would want to break the lack of contact between them with ever small fibre of her being but thankfully Cassie, Bella or Carson would talk her out of it. Stop the mistake before it even had a chance to happen.

She continued to stare out at the soft white blanket on the grey and cracked pavement, when it came--the soft buzz that always came around this time in the early afternoon for her.

Joe.

His name on the screen. All she could do was look at it.

but then, she couldn't look at it any longer. Usually, she turned it off when it got like that, she cut the ringing short and put him out of his misery.

This time she picked up her phone with frail shaking hands and answered it.

There were three beats of silence. Joe hadn't been expecting her to pick up. Daisy hadn't been expecting herself to either.

'Dais-?' Joe croaked out through a dry throat.

Daisy didn't respond, she just breathed down the line. Her heart racing under the sound of his morning voice, the same voice that she used to wake up too. She could imagine him in her head now, all sleepy and disheveled in his childhood bedroom back in Ohio. Star wars posters likely scattered across the wall and rows of trophy's would be stacked on shelf after shelf. The Heisman would be taking pride of place somewhere.

'Dais-?' He whispered again, too scared to say any actual words in case it was the wrong thing and he scared her away.

'Why do you keep calling, Joe?' Her voice broke as she uttered the painstaking question. She kept wondering why he was going through all this effort to call and text. He didn't like her. He certainly didn't love her. A person in love wouldn't have done what Joe did. Daisy would never have done what he did. So, why? Was is for the sake of the friendship group, or was it to clear his own conscience of guilt.

'Because I fucked up. I fucked up really bad and I need to make it better' Joe was already teetering on desperation and begging through the tone of his voice. For a second, it made Daisy believe that maybe this whole thing was killing him as much as it was killing her but it couldn't be. For Joe to feel even half of what Daisy was feeling, he would have had to be in love and he wasn't.

'It's okay, Joe' Daisy breathed out because pretending like she wasn't internally ruined felt like the easiest may to handle this situation. Build up the tall walls around her once again and make sure no one could ever get inside them. That was her safest option. The only one that could protect her.

'You didn't do anything wrong, I mean, hey, it wasn't physical huh' A pathetic attempt of a joke fell through her dry cracked lips as the phone shook beside her ear as her hands found themselves unsteady. Her statement only made Joe feel worse. The knife that was lodged in his heart twisted deeper. He gulped. Daisy heard it.

'Dais-'

'No Joe. Look, I got it wrong. You know. Don't feel sorry for me, it only makes it worse'

'Just let me explain. Let me talk to you, please. I feel like I'm dying over here, Daisy'

'It's best if we don't talk, Joe. It's done already'

'Dais-No, c'mon-you don't mean that'

'Merry Christmas, Joe' and with that she hung up the phone and sighed. Then she crumbled and sobbed and sobbed because hearing his voice brought it all back. Every small detail of what had happened between them came flooding to the surface. She was back there, on LSU campus, in between his hands, he was in between her thighs. Her heart pressed against his. And she's never felt that alive in her life, never felt that level of love. She could call it that now, because she was no longer scared to lose it. It was already gone. Macy was her name. A nice girl apparently. Was I not a nice girl? Daisy had found herself thinking. Did he prefer the look of her freckles and redhair? Was it her blue eyes? Did they make my green ones look lacklustre? Fuck Macy. Not because she's the bad person but because she is the breathing symbol of personal and brutal loss. She was the walking reminder of her heart being broken and she sat only a few rows in front of her in her Wednesday afternoon class. When she went back to LSU, that was only one of the things she would have to tackle.

Joe tried twice to call her back but after that, he gave up. He read the signs. That night, as she lay beside Carson in her double bed, Joe didn't call her either. For the first time in two weeks, the illuminating light of his name did not disturb her inconsistent sleep.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

He didn't call on Christmas day.

The morning light was soft, seeping through the sheer lace curtains in a pale winter gold. The street lamps still flickering in the dark English mornings. The room looked warm, but Christmas always felt cold. This year even more so. Somewhere down the hall, she could hear the distant humming of Christmas music -- and old vinyl crackling faintly from her fathers room as he got ready to spend Christmas with his business partners rather than family. Tomorrow was Boxing Day football in England, and her father needed to get preparations in order for Chelsea FC.

Daisy blinked slowly against the weight of waking up and her puffy red eyes. Her body was so heavy beneath the duvet, the memory of Joe's voice weighing her down like a rusted old anchor. Cinnamon and coffee drifted through the townhouse. Then, she heard the heavy black front door slam and her fathers keys jangle as he unlocked his deep green Aston Martin. The engine thrummed as he drove of through the icy streets.

That noise made Carson stir beside her. His own eyes blinking open. His soft brown hair floppy and messy on top of his head. Daisy couldn't help but smile. He looked cute in the pale light.

'Merry Christmas, Carson'

'Merry Christmas, Daisy'

They wore matching tartan pyjamas and reindeer slippers as they made there was down the halls. Her father had decorated a little bit. Twinkling lights looped through the doorways, stockings hung slightly crooked on the large deep wood fireplace. A half decorated Christmas pine tree tucked away in the corner beside the tall bookshelves.

When she was a child, this felt magical, but now it felt artificial and performative. If her father really cared, he would be here.

Daisy felt nothing.

That was worse than feeling sadness, because it meant that last night she suffered the last snap. The last break she needed as she became completely detached from everything. So exhausted that she no longer could even muster the energy to feel.

She turned slightly and looked out the window. A light snowfall was beginning to dance in the howling wind. Some of it pressed against the glass and melted instantly.

'Hot cocoa?' Carson asked softly and she nodded. She'd drink the cocoa, she'd unwrap the small presents they had gotten each other and she'd say thank you and maybe she would crack a smile when they put on Arthur Christmas.

But like her father, this would all be artificial, all just an act.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

In Ohio, Christmas hadn't gone great either. Joe spent yesterday with family and local friends but there was a piece of him missing, it was lost somewhere in the middle of England's capital city.

The phone call on Christmas Eve had broken him. It confirmed what he feared most, that Daisy thought he didn't care about her, that she thought the heartache she was feeling was her fault rather than his. That cut him. It cut him to the core of his very being.

Since then, he had spent his nights laying in bed wondering how he could make this better. How he could fix it. Tomorrow, he would have to go back to LSU for the Peach Bowl against Oklahoma. The last stop before the national championship. Daisy wouldn't be there and at this point he didn't know if she would even come for the championship game. Maybe she will for Justin, he thought and that caused a brutal sensation to hammer against his ribs. Jealousy. Jealousy that he didn't have her anymore but Justin still did, even if it was only as a friend. Joe would have taken that over nothing.

Joe pulled out his phone in an attempt to distract himself from the all consuming ache of her, but he was greeted with something worse.

daisyymoore

snow, soccer, and self care - London, England.

tagged - carsonford.

Liked by jjettas2, lah_jay10 and 721 others

@.carsonford: best christmas ever with you

-> @.daisyymoore: love you!

@.cassdaviess: come home, the kids miss you.

-> @.daisyymoore: mommy's busy

@.isabellaafreut: pitchside? chanel scarf?

@.isabellaafreut: chelsea blues

-> @.daisyymoore: luv the footy x

@.jjettas2: Merry Christmas Texas.

-> @.daisyymoore: merry christmas jefferson.

26th December 2019

Algorithm's were a sick and twisted joke.

Daisy's flesh looked paler, her cheekbones looked more sunken in. No smiles. Just the cold stares and snowfall being captured by the iPhone camera. It made Joe's stomach twist into rough knots. Carson was there. At least that gave him some relief. She wasn't coping alone, but in the arms of her best friend.

She had been to watch a soccer match, a Chelsea one, if Bella's comment was to be believed. It made sense. All them months ago, before she had sat down on their picnic bench in the middle of LSU's campus she had been wearing a blue jersey. Maybe she was a bigger fan of soccer than Joe initially thought, but he couldn't know now. The opportunity to know her better had come and gone.

The street she lived on looked pleasant. Her father was clearly wealthy but Joe had already assumed that, she was jet setting every where over the summer, only rich girls could do that.

His eyes scanned every image for minutes on end.

He missed her.

More than he had ever missed anything.

He missed the quickness of her lips. He missed the way her hair would hang loosely around her face and how it would twirl in the wind. He missed the sage of her doe eyes. He missed the way her brows would lightly furrow when he said something too boyish. He missed the sweet smell of her jasmine perfume.

He looked down to the spongebob top he was wearing. The one he always gave her. It was unwashed because it made him feel like she was in the room, it allowed him to imagine that the pillow beside him was her torso.

He had to get her back.

He would do anything.

He would spend the rest of his life crawling back to her, no matter how many times she kicked him away he would come back and try and try because he knew what they had was something different, something rare and pure and special.

If it took two months or twenty years--they would find their way back to each other. He would make sure of it. He was in this for the long game. This was only their beginning even if Daisy believed it was their end.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

'SHOT! SHOT! SHOT!' A raging chorus of fraternity brother's cheered at Joe and his teammates as they stood on the kitchen counters of the fraternity.

It was New Year's Eve. And they were going to the national championship.

The party was roaring. The floor boards shook with the bass music pumping between the walls of the fraternity. Empty beer cans rattled on the coffee table. Glitter spread throughout the air like static, catching in the swirls of cigarette smoke and the misty haze of fruity vape clouds that hovered under the tall ceilings.

Joe winced as he took his three tequila shots and chased them with a cheap beer. Everyone cheered like they were gods, and in college they were the closest thing you could get to just that. Undefeated football players who were about to write themselves into the American history books.

Half-string lights and tinsel blinked about him, inflatable 2020 balloons hung of the wall shining in purple and gold. One of the zero's already beginning to deflate and it hadn't even passed midnight yet.

People patted him on the back, raised their red solo cups to him with drunken words they wouldn't remember come sunrise. He gave them what they wanted--big grins and bright eyes from their golden boy--but it was merely artificial. A costume hanging from his broad shoulders.

Inside, under the jersey he was wearing something was still quietly breaking.

He nursed the drink he didn't want as it sat barely cold in his hands, moving away from the crowd to lean against the kitchen counter beside his teammate terrace. Joe laughed at the story he was telling, nodded when he was given the cue too. His gaze kept drifting towards the door, to the phone in his hands, towards Cassie and Bella on the opposite side of the party throwing him daggers.

He thought maybe she would come. He thought maybe she would be back in Louisiana for the new year, but she hadn't shown.

She was still in London, Justin had let him know not too long ago. A whole world away. Probably watching the bright fireworks shoot into the night sky over the river Thames, or maybe she was so heartbroken that she was tucked up in bed with a single glass of wine and a knitted Christmas blanket. Maybe she's out celebrating, he winced at the voice in his head. He didn't want to think that she was doing that, that she could be out there kissing another when the clock struck midnight. He wouldn't blame her if she was. She needed to be out having fun and spending time with people who didn't hurt her the way he did.

He glanced at his phone again.

No text.

He hadn't texted her or called since Christmas Eve. It no longer felt like he should. When she answered the call he realised silence was what he deserved.

'Joe, it's a fuckin' party, you got to lighten up bro' Terrace said from beside him and shoved another two shots into his hands.

Joe just smirked and took the shots.

Drowning was a better option than sinking.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

The club pulsed with light--violet and blue, hot flashes of yellow and red that danced across the roof with such vibrancy. Music poured from the speakers in thick, dizzying waves; Sexy Bitch by David Guetta. Synth highs and lyrics being screamed by every drunken voice. Bodied moved together like water, pressed shoulder to shoulder, heat and perfume and spilled drinks tangled in the air like a fever you wanted to catch.

New Years Eve in London was like something out of a movie.

Daisy was in the middle of it all, drunk on legal alcohol. Her hair was pulled back in soft waves, her cheeks flushed and lips painted in a colour that Carson had called 'dangerously kissable'. Her tight glittery dress shimmered with every movement. -- black, sparkly and sleek, catching the bright lights and dancing like it had a heartbeat of it's own.

Her hands were in the air, her hips were swaying with the rhythm, her smile wide enough that it had everyone around believing she was happy. She had met up with a couple friends she had in London, the ones she had met over all the summers and winters she had spent here.

Carson danced beside her, spinning in circles with a boy he had met when they arrived. A drink in one hand and the other on the boy's waist.

They were free; Carson and Daisy. Untouchable. Very, very intoxicated. British liquor was much stronger than in the states and they were suffering them consequences.

It dimmed the hollow ache in her chest, but it still felt like something had been scooped out and left an echo.

Every beat of the music vibrated through her but still, she couldn't pull herself away from the fact her phone hadn't buzzed once with his name all night. No messages. No calls. He didn't even like the post she uploaded on Boxing day. He hadn't given her any attention since Christmas Eve. It was already the first of January in London and it was beginning to become early morning.

Was he already bored of trying to win her back? Was that how shallow his emotions ran?

Daisy closed her eyes and tossed her head back, trying to ignore the visions of him in her head. The lights around strobed against her closed lids and looked like fireworks underwater.

She let the music take her away.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

'Bro--you might want to see this' Ja'marr tapped the back of his hand on Joe's chest getting his attention. He was beyond wasted. Sweat shining off his forehead and his breath stinking of sweet liquor as he tried to numb the ache of her not being her. He was sprawled out on the couch with his fraternity brother, a bong being passed between them. Joe was being stupid. He could be drug tested at any point in the season but at this moment he didn't care. He was doing anything to feel numb.

Joe rolled his head to look at Ja'marr's phone.

carsonford

we lit

tagged - daisyymoore, tillywaters

30 likes

posted 5m ago

Joe had to blink away the blur of the alcohol vision, his eyes squinting slightly and he coughed out some yellow smoke. The second he saw the photos of her he became razor-sharp.

There she was--his girl, he could call her that still in his drunken state, out in some dingy dimly lit club on the other side of the ocean in a low cut dress and smudged eyeliner, drinks being poured into her mouth. She looked free, not like a girl who was heartbroken and waiting. Not like a girl who was ruined but like a girl who had already mourned a loss and moved on.

He blinked harder and grabbed the phone zooming in on the images like it would help. Crowds swirled around her in the images. She stood outside in one of them, her tongue hanging from her mouth and her eyes so wide. Her skin glowy and golden under the street lamps. She looked hot and reckless.

He let out a scoff. Half a laugh. Half bitter.

Guys lingered around in a couple of the photos, close but not touching. He didn't know if she knew them or if they were just background characters. His grip tightened on Ja'marr's phone. His jaw locked.

She looked gone. Like really gone. and that couldn't happen.

He ran a hand over her jaw in thought, rubbing the corners of his mouth in a quick swipe then sitting back into the stained brown leather.

'What you gone do about it?' Ja'marr asked.

'She didn't start fucking me cos I was a nice guy J,' Joe smirked.

Then, he opened up his own phone and tossed Ja'marr's back to him. He pulled up her tagged photos and sent her the photo of her mouth open with a quick message.

i'd have you bent over in a bathroom stall and fucked by now cub

Then he sat back and waited.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

The club bathroom was a blur of motion and mirror light, all chrome, Blue LEDs and graffitti. The bass of the music seeped through and bounced against the walls in a soft hum. Lip gloss smeared across the cracked mirrors and perfume danced in the air. Laughter, giggles and camera flashes twisted all around her as she sat on the toilet seat in the bathroom stall.

She came in to get away from the heat of the dance floor, for a moment of peace and a chance to take a deep breath that wasn't filled with vape smoke.

but then her phone lit up with his DM.

@.joeyb_9 sent you a message

i'd have you bent over in a bathroom stall and fucked by now cub

Her breath caught and her jaw dropped. So did her heart and she felt a betraying flutter in between her thighs. Like a match to gasoline, it brought her back to life. For the first time in weeks she felt slightly alive and not numb.

They started as a forbidden line blurring, smirking glances and steamy sex. Frat parties and slapping skin. That electric pull that was always there from the minute they met. They were messy, physical and charged. Joe understood that. He was playing dirty because he knew a message like this was going to earn a reply sooner than a pining sorry ever would.

if you wanted sweet you wouldn't be fucking me

He knew her, he knew Daisy so well.

This message closed that distance between them. That line that connected them was pulling closer.

But she couldn't reply.

No.

She was still heartbroken, and he had still hurt her but there was a slight crack open in the door between them.

He would have to work hard, so fucking hard to get her heart back.

So for now, Daisy did something she knew would only infuriate him even more.

She simply tapped on the little red heart beside it, like a silent whisper across time zones. His party likely in the early stages, hers coming to the end. The clock struck midnight in London a short while ago, and she had placed a kiss on the lips of her friend Tilly. A quick peck of friendship. Daisy hoped Joe wouldn’t kiss anyone, but maybe he would and that would signify the end of them completely. No physical activity with others. No kissing. Did the agreement even still apply? She didn’t know anything anymore.

She chuckled to herself at the mess she was in and locked her phone, then she walked out of the bathroom stall with a little extra sway in her hips. It was like having a secret all over again, like being someones secret all over again.

That forbidden naughtiness and excitement tingled wildly underneath her skin.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

Joe was lounging out in the backyard taking another rip of a bong in a worn down striped deck chair as string lights and a bonfire roared with light. It was almost midnight, only a few minutes away.

Inside--the party was intense and wild, yelling and laughing, the sharp fizz and boom of champagne bottles being popped open.

He laughed with his other friends, nothing was funny, they had just smoked so much weed they were on another planet. He would regret that in the morning, he would spend the next few days paranoid about drug tests and losing the national championship, the NFL and pretty much everything in his life.

But that was a problem to handle upon tomorrow's sunrise.

Right now, he could just be a typical douche bag college student.

His phone was up right laying on his stomach as he waited and waited for her message to come through, each minute it didn't he felt himself sinking and sinking into the muddy beer soaked grass beneath him.

The message was filthy and vulgar and so them. A representation of what their relationship had been formed on, forbidden sex. That message was forbidden which was exactly why she would reply, because girls like Daisy like feeling alive and dangerous. She'd done the America's sweetheart date the high school star thing and she fucking hated it. Joe thought he had it all figured out, he thought he knew how the exact rest of the night was going to play out.

She would message him back with something equally as hot and vulgar because she too would have been drunk. Then, in the morning he would call and the air would be somewhat cleared. She would come back to campus and that tension between them would be there, so strong that they simply can't resist. Joe gave it a week until she was back in his bed. Even if she hated him, she would come for the sex.

But Joe was delusional.

A like.

That was it.

A taunting red heart.

Joe blinked trying to make it something more, then he waited to see if she would message. She didn't. His jaw tightened and he rolled out his neck.

That little red heart was like a breadcrumb on a trail that didn't lead anywhere. It stung worse than silence.

He let out a long and breathy sigh, running the palms of his hands over his face in a way you only do when you're so beyond frustrated you can't even think to do anything else.

'Ten, nine, eight'

'Bro, pass the bong' Joe pointed to the bong in his friends hand and grabbed it, readying himself to take another hit. People around him in the back yard scrambled to get inside to watch the ball drop on the television screen in the front room of the dingy fraternity.

'seven, six, five'

He took in the yellow smoke with a deep inhale.

'four, three, two'

He breathed it out, feeling that blissful relaxation. His limbs all tingling from the effects of too much weed. Then, he sank back into the beat up lounger and pulled some sunglasses over his eyes.

It was just him out there.

'one--HAPPY NEW YEAR!'

Except it wasn't because he thought of her. Of Daisy.

The way she used to chew at her bottom lip. The way she used to murmur his name when she was sleepy. That look -- the one she gave him right before they kissed, or the one she gave him right before they had sex when they shouldn't have been.

He imagined her now -- all the way in London covered in sequins and glitter, smelling like sweet jasmine. She would be dancing away in the club, her feet likely aching from the heels. He imagined her smile, her laugh, the way Carson would be twirling her around the packed dance floor.

Happy New Year, Daisy, he thought.

Suddenly, he felt people scurrying around him and then he heard the bangs and pops, the cheers of the crowd as fireworks went off over his head.

A technicolour of light flashing in the darkness of his closed eyes.He opened them briefly and looked up. In that moment, as 2020 took it's first steps, the world turned over into something new. Something ever changing.

And he knew with absolute clarity--

Daisy was the only thing that felt permanent.

-౨ৎ ⋆｡˚-

Carson packed his things into a full suitcase while Daisy lazily lay on her messy bed. He was leaving back to New York, it was January 3rd and he had to get back to college. Daisy was staying in London, because she still couldn't bring her self to return to the scene of the crime. She felt like she was doing better here. She missed Bella, Cassie, Ja'marr and even Justin. Even though that was a whole separate situation she was unsure how to handle, but Justin had been a rock for her during this time. Always checking in, making sure she was okay, he never once asked when she was returning--instead he just told her to take all the time she needed, and that if she never came back he would understand.

'When are you going back to Louisiana?' Carson asked, pulling her out of her daze of thoughts. She bit at her thumb nail in a thinking anxiety.

She shrugged her shoulders at him.

'Dukes' Carson said softly, with a cocked head of sympathy.

'I'm not ready to see him' Daisy quietly said.

'You'll never be ready'

'I just--I just don't know what to do' She stuttered out. 'I just, I can't stay away from him, I know that, but I don't want to let him in again'

'Then don't' Carson moved to come and sit beside her on the bed. 'Dukes, don't let a man make forget who the fuck you are. You're Daisy Moore. You're smoking hot, strong and a great person. I've lost count of how many guys want you. So know that and own it. Be cold. Be guarded. Act numb until the numbness becomes the reality. Let him close, but don't let him touch you, make him yearn for what he could have had and pretend you aren't breaking inside. It's the best way.'

Carson was right.

Daisy was not about to let Joe Burrow think he had crushed her. She was going to return to LSU and pretend that she wasn't ruined, pretend that she was over it, that she didn't care.

She would act like she was never in love with him.

౨ৎ

[krokusplays]

A Rising Dawn - Chapter 7

Mydei X (female) Reader

Fic Rating: Explicit (only this chapter)

Chapter Length: 6.7k

Fic Status: Ongoing (7/8)

Tags/Warnings: Fluff, Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Falling in Love, Learning to Trust, Sweet, Wholesome, basically no angst, no use of y/n, smut(chapter 7), First time, set before the events of 3.0

Author’s Notes: We have reached the smut chapter and writing this made me emotional haha It was so much fun diving into Mydei's head and think about how he would experience and process all of this, especially given the development up until now. I really hope you'll enjoy the chapter <3

Previous Chapter

AO3 Link

Summary: In the Holy City, daily life remained the same for the citizens despite the threat of the Black Tide lurking beyond the city’s borders.

But sometimes, a brief encounter can bring about a new dawn for its residents. Chrysos Heirs and regular citizens alike.

Even more so when the Golden Thread has tied your fates together a long time ago.

As you watched Mydei disappear in his kitchen again to clean the dishes, you took the time to admire the scenery of the balcony in his home.

His balcony had half-transparent, red-colored curtains attached to the roof of it. They were pulled aside today, granting you a glorious view of the city and its distant mountains. Vines curled around the small pillars connecting the balustrade with the roof above the balcony.

It reminded you of the terrace he’s shown you, where you’ve shared that first hug. No surprise he enjoyed it up there so much.

A small round table stood in the middle of the area with a cushioned chair on one side but a bigger bench on the other. The bench was adjusted in its form to fit the arch of the balcony, big enough for someone his size to lie down probably, cushioned and covered in blankets and pillows.

It was… surprising. Baffling. Confusing even.

He didn’t seem the type to appreciate so much soft and fluffy stuff, although… when you had caught a glimpse of his bed when walking through his home - out of the corners of your eye, you surely didn’t want to invade his privacy and stare - it looked to you as if it was just as covered in blankets and pillows.

Nothing about this man fit any assumptions one could make based entirely on his looks.

Yes, he could fight. He was probably the strongest warrior Amphoreus had at this point and yet, anything else didn’t fit the rough image Kremnoan warriors had among the people of Okhema.

You sighed as you sunk into the cushions of the bench and looked into the clear blue sky above Okhema. The buzz of the city didn’t reach your ears up here and only the subtle sound of the wind and faint noises from Mydei cleaning up filled the air around you.

You’ve been here before, shared dinner with him too, but… the intention has been different.

Sharing a meal was not the only reason for spending time together this time.

Something else lingered in the air between you today. Tension. Awkwardness. And yet, it wasn’t entirely unpleasant. There was a slight tingling beneath your skin that turned this tension into something else.

Anticipation.

And the realization filled you with pride. No nerves, no anxiety, or rather, the reasons were of an entirely different nature.

It should’ve made you nervous. Should’ve brought back images - memories - but your mind remained quiet.

You were comfortable.

Still, you didn’t know what to expect from all this. Maybe Mydei himself didn’t know either. But you trusted him. You’ve come so far since that time he’s grabbed your wrist. You were safe here. With him. And there would never be a point of no return with him either.

That knowledge alone put your mind and soul at ease.

Mydei stepped back onto the balcony and you had to admit that the sight was something to behold. It was so rare to see him without any armor. Neither on his shoulders nor on his legs.

But especially without his gauntlets. Just pale skin marked by deep red patterns and the fabric he wore on one side falling loosely over his wrist. He didn’t look any more or less intimidating this way but it was so nice to see him in such a casual manner nonetheless.

He looked at you, studying you, contemplating his next move, but as you smiled up at him, he took a few steps around the table and sat down next to you among all the cushions and blankets.

Usually, when you shared a meal, he sat on the chair and let you have this bench for yourself. And after eating, you usually left.

This moment now, another sign how today was so much different.

You sat in silence for a while. Neither of you knowing what to do or daring to do anything and yet, it wasn’t uncomfortable. More amusing if anything.

The thought made you chuckle quietly. But of course, Mydei noticed. He tilted his head, a flash of confusion crossed his golden eyes.

“Hm?”

“I don’t know,” you said, your smile wide and genuine, “I guess, I’m just… happy.”

His eyes widened at that before his expression softened. Relief burning brightly in his gaze, which he didn’t even attempt to hide. How calm and relaxed it made him look, you could feel whatever tension remained in your own body vanishing like a cloud of mist in the wind.

Mydei adjusted his position next to you, turned his body around until his right thigh rested on top of the bench.

And slowly - incredibly so, giving you all the time to react - he raised his hands to cup your face.

Warm. And so, so soft. Without his gauntlets you could finally feel his hands on your skin and the feeling was exhilarating. There was no fear, no panic, not even a slight tremble, just overwhelming warmth.

He cradled your face like something incredibly delicate. You leaned into the gesture, closed your eyes. To memorize the sensation, to inhale his scent and to simply enjoy.

Enjoy his warm skin, the oh so soft skin despite all the fighting he’s done. And you knew in that moment that these hands would never bring you harm, would never want to bring you discomfort.

Hands - his hands - were capable of so much more than their hands all these years back.

A sense of pride sparked to life within you and mixed with all the joy you felt when you realized just how far you’ve come these past weeks - and months - with him.

You reached up and cupped one of his hands with your own, tilting your head to lean further into his touch. When you opened your eyes again, his gaze bore into yours. Two burning suns, hard and unyielding and yet, full of caution. Consideration. No, care. Their fire stole your breath away.

The moment lasted for mere heartbeats. Then, hair tickled your face and colors blurred in front of your eyes before your vision turned dark as you closed your eyes once more and his lips met yours.

Warm and soft, the pressure firmer than last time, and it felt so pleasant that you couldn’t help but let yourself fall into him and give in to these feelings.

He broke the kiss shortly after, parted from you just enough so he could take in your expression, study your reactions, before he leaned back in, catching your lips with his. Softly. Tenderly. Over and over again. Until the warmth spreading through you became so prominent - so overwhelming - that you couldn’t contain the quiet sound in the back of your throat anymore.

It surprised you just as much as him. Mydei pulled back from you, even lowering his hands from your face. He studied your expression, his eyes shifting around to find something. Anything that would tell him this was a sound of discomfort. Or worse.

But to you it felt like something shifted between you. Like a wordless affirmation that yes, you were alright. And kissing him felt good. So good.

You smiled. Full of relief. And joy.

Mydei’s eyes softened. His jaw lost whatever tension remained before he cupped your face in his hands and kissed you once more.

Firmer and harder than before. There was something in his kiss that hasn’t been there before. Something deeper. You couldn’t wait to unravel what it was.

You made that very same sound again. Allowed yourself to let yourself fall into him but also to reassure him that he didn’t need to be so cautious, regardless of how much his care made you melt.

And when one of his hands left your face to slowly - oh, so slowly - wrap around your shoulders, your own hand came up to hold onto his collar. A silent agreement. A confirmation. Consent.

His proximity, his warmth, the consideration and care in every of his touches, they all made your heart thump faster in your chest, made you feel lightheaded. The way his lips moved against your own sent shivers down your spine - warm and pleasant - and you reveled every single one of them.

When Mydei leaned forwards with his body, you barely even noticed how he lowered you down onto the bench. Only when your body was engulfed by pillows and blankets with your head resting on his lower arm did you realize your position.

Mydei pulled his face back from you, looked down on you, his eyes contemplating. Wondering.

“Are you alright?” he asked and his concern almost made you sob. It made you ponder if his touch and the feelings he was evoking within you made you so emotional. Yet, you considered his words. Carefully even.

He was lying next to you, leaning above you, there was no pressure on your body, no weight. You could pull away from him if you wanted or needed to. Somewhere along the motions of him leaning down you have even pulled up your legs to completely rest on the cushions. You didn’t even notice.

Were you that comfortable - that trusting - with him?

Your heart cried out at the question. The only answer that escaped your mouth was a nod. And a smile.

You took a deep breath, to calm your racing heart, to slow down the butterflies in your stomach as you looked up at him into his gorgeous eyes, before you reached up to cradle his cheek in your hand. His eyes shifted to your fingers for not more than a second before he found your own eyes again.

When he leaned into your hand this time, you inhaled sharply, the contact - his reaction - sending a shiver down your spine that left a tingling in your body in its wake. Pleasant. Enthralling.

Mydei leaned down to catch your lips with his once more and as if out of instinct, both your hands came up to dive into his hair. Silky and soft, the strands flowing through your fingers like tender threads, and all you could think about was how you wanted to do this over and over again. Feel him so close to you, his hair between your fingers, his lips against yours and nothing but trust and care between both of you.

And when you dared to open your mouth and poked his lips with your tongue, he almost flinched back. It made you chuckle against his lips. His breath fanned over your face - harder than before as he exhaled heavily through his nose - before he opened his mouth for you.

The touch was hesitant, you didn’t really have any idea what you were doing. However, as your tongue met his a shiver crawled down your spine, as if electricity sparked your body to life. You kept kissing him like this. Tongues brushing each other, hands in his hair, his heavy breathing fanning over your face…

Until Mydei slid his free hand over your body, hovered over the fabric of your dress more than applying pressure. As if he wanted to touch you but didn’t dare to. Or, he tested the waters, waited for a reaction that told him you were not okay after all.

Your hands in his hair tightened.

You wanted him to know you were alright with this, with him, wanted to tell him how nice all this felt but a part of you didn’t want to stop kissing him, didn’t want to part from him at all and-

The gasp stole itself from your lungs so abrupt that you broke the kiss. Suddenly there weren’t fingers on fabric but his fingers on your skin. On your leg. Beneath the dress. With how his hand slid over your dress, he must’ve found an opening below the knot holding it in place around your waist.

Mydei studied your expression, breathing with his lips parted and a very faint hue of red on his cheeks. He looked adorable. Captivating. And… sensual. Yet, the question burned in his gaze. His hand on your leg didn’t move at all.

You nodded. Slowly.

You let your body relax, focused on that warm shiver that spread through you when his fingers made contact with your skin.

Mydei waited for another moment. When he deemed it alright to continue he did not kiss you on the lips again. Instead he pressed a kiss to your cheek and then your ear.

If the gasp you let out was because of his lips on your ear or because his hand - warm and big - stroked your leg beneath your dress, you didn’t know, but the shiver traveling down your spine made warmth pool in your lower body.

Mydei pressed his lips to your neck, spread slow and gentle kisses to the soft skin. Experimental, trying out how it felt to shower you in these gestures, while his hand never left your thigh, exploring the tender skin, and you wondered if he could feel how your body trembled with each touch.

You kept your eyes closed, your lips parted, small sounds spilled over them freely. You felt so warm, so pleasant, so nice and you couldn’t believe how gentle he was with you. Was it difficult for him? To be so slow and gentle with you? Would he be rougher with anyone else? But then, he’s never shown you anything but care and careful consideration.

Maybe that was… really just who he was.

Your thoughts got interrupted, your mind wiped blank as if a strong wind blew through it, taking any doubts and questions with it, as Mydei’s hand slid around your thigh and inched upwards until his finger pushed gently between your legs.

That felt… different.

Stronger. More intense. The warmth made way for a heat that left you yearning.

Your eyes remained close and yet, you could feel Mydei’s gaze on you. Observing. Examining.

But then his touch returned to your skin and you felt yourself letting go. His lips spread kisses along your neck while his hand moved between your legs, rubbing your skin slowly over your underwear. And that friction felt so good.

Small sounds left your lips, little gasps and moans, and you couldn’t keep still. The more he touched you, the more he kissed you, the more those little jolts of electricity coursed through your body.

Your hands reached up blindly, found his hair, and with trembling fingers you pulled his face back to yours. You made a sound that his mouth swallowed up and it felt so good to just kiss him like this while his hand between your legs never ceased to move. To touch. There was never a rough motion. Just gentle rubs. Tender flicks. But they made you tremble and crave so much more, yearning for these sensations to never end.

Mydei’s tongue found yours, the touch as curious as before. Exploring. Trying. His heavy breath hit your face, his hair tickled your face and you found yourself rolling your hips, slowly, gently, into his hand. Because you wanted more? Because you didn’t want him to stop? Or because these feelings in your body were too much to take and refused to let your body remain still?

You didn’t know, but then you pushed your hips up on instinct while he pushed his finger down, just as gentle but firmer than before regardless.

A whimper was on your lips, caught by his mouth, and then, you were floating and drowning all at once.

You barely noticed how you broke the kiss as your body was overcome by sensations. As if all that heat and those incredible blissful feelings couldn’t be contained anymore and burst free from within you, setting your body and soul ablaze while wiping your mind utterly blank.

Nothing mattered anymore. As your body shuddered, caught in this ecstatic feeling - of bliss and warmth and comfort - nothing but you and him mattered. You barely felt the blankets and pillows beneath you but even in your hazy mind you were so acutely aware of Mydei’s presence, his body so close to your own, keeping you close and safe as you rode out this unexpected pleasure.

You didn’t know you could feel this way. Didn’t know the touch of another person could feel this good. And now you were more relieved and happy that you have asked him to do this with you than ever before.

When you came down from your high, you only slowly came to realize that Mydei stroked your cheek, brushed hair from your face with the back of his fingers as he watched you.

His expression took your breath away. With flushed skin, a heaving chest, wide golden eyes and slightly parted lips… To know he was affected by all this, even though he spent all of his attention solely on you…

You smiled.

———————

He wanted more. He wanted more of you, so much more.

As he watched you captivated and enthralled by your peak - the one he made you feel - he couldn’t help but think how gorgeous you were caught in your own passion and pleasure. Beautiful. And captivating.

A part deep within wanted to see you more like this.

He didn’t take any more, however. He waited. Observed as you basked in these sensations until your body slowly ceased to tremble, until the little sounds stopped escaping you, and until you sank back into the cushions. Relaxed. At ease. Peaceful.

And when you smiled up at him, he couldn’t fight the relief settling in his own soul.

He was a warrior of Kremnos, he was neither taught nor did he ever took any interest in touching another person, making them feel good, treating them gently until they fell apart in his hands. He knew the concept, just like how he got to know about the concept of romance eventually. But he was here following instincts, following your reactions, not capable of relying on any of his own experiences.

So seeing you smile at him after all this brought a sense of comfort with it that was strangely satisfying.

Still, a selfish part of him got all too aware of how hard he was himself now and was hoping to the Titans that you would enjoy indulging in more of this.

Even so, if this was the point where you wanted to end this… encounter, he would help you fix your dress - he came to realize that the knot has unraveled by now and was hanging on a thread - and bring you home.

Your hand on his face pulled him out of his thoughts. He blinked at you as your so much smaller hand cradled his cheek while smiling up at him. Adorable. And so pretty to see you like this.

He grabbed your hand and pressed his lips to your knuckles, but never broke the eye contact with you. When he found no doubt, no reluctance, no discomfort, he hoped the silent question in his eyes was enough to convey his thoughts to you.

You nodded, your smile never leaving your face. And it made his heart pound harder in his chest for a moment.

He placed your arm over his shoulder and you got the message. Your other hand came up and you wrapped them around his neck, holding on tightly as he hooked his free arm beneath your knees, wrapped the one your head had rested on around your shoulders.

He carried you inside. Just a few steps and yet it stirred something within him that you clung to him, pushed yourself closer to his chest in those short moments.

You sunk into the cushions on his bed as he put you down as if you… belonged there. Your hair splaying out, a soft sigh on your lips, and for a moment he simply… watched.

Until you chuckled, a hue of red appearing on your cheeks, before you pulled him down to capture his lips with your own. That you’ve been initiating these gestures - even before this moment - was commendable.

It also tore down his own inhibitions.

Still, it was you who dipped your fingers beneath the fabric draped over his shoulder. And despite the faint trembling of your hand - one he got all too aware of with how on edge every part of him was at this point - you didn’t stop. Your own eyes fixated on the movement of your hand while you inched the fabric further to his arm. Without the armor, his clothes on his upper body were loose, and once over his shoulder, the fabric fell down to his hand without pause.

It revealed his upper body entirely to you.

And while he was never shy about his body, nor was his body much of a secret since he walked around half-exposed every day, your eyes widened as if you’ve never seen an inch of him before.

His lips twitched upwards. How amusing. What a fascinating reaction. Especially after everything.

You didn’t throw a glimpse at his face, your gaze utterly captivated by his upper body, before both your hands slowly came up.

Your palms slid over the expanse of his chest, traced the markings of his blood with a curiosity and fascination that made him shudder.

He let you indulge yourself.

Tried to tell himself that this was all about you. To make yourself more comfortable with the skin on skin contact. To prevent you from having a fight or flight reaction to him.

But deep down, in the very back of his mind, he knew it was a lie he told himself. To deny how nice your fingers felt on his skin. How warm your skin was. How it left a trail of fire within his veins that made him close his eyes to calm himself. To remain in place above you.

Anticipating. Enjoying.

And how the pressure in his lower body became straining.

Your hands never ceased their exploration. Not even as he leaned down and kissed you again. Instead, your hands traveled to his back, tracing his skin and muscles blindly. A sound built in the back of his throat when you followed the line of his spine and you inevitably brushed that one vulnerable spot of him. You didn’t know about it naturally, but you eagerly swallowed his sound with your lips nonetheless.

Clothes came off. Slowly. Hands settled on a remaining piece of clothing only when you nodded, pulled him to your lips again or whispered that he could proceed. Each piece of fabric that got removed from your body or his was followed by more kisses, more lingering gazes and fingers that explored, as if discovering something entirely new.

Which it was.

Not something you indulged in before because you had every reason to stay away from physical contact.

And not something he ever found any interest in.

Not before this. Not before you.

Your body was beautiful. Soft skin, flushed and moving when you couldn’t remain still beneath him, but he found himself captivated - enamored - with the way your chest was heaving, how your body trembled - not because of fear or anxiety but because he touched you and it made you feel good - and how you smiled at him whenever his stare lingered for a moment too long on specific parts of your body.

But even more so, that you, in the process willingly let him settle between your legs, now that all your clothes were gone, almost made him sigh.

No clothes remaining. Nothing but the necklace. His crystallized blood around your neck. He made no move to take it off. Neither did you. And something about having it resting on your body while you were naked and so incredibly close stirred something within him.

Mydei lowered his head, found purchase on your neck. Your skin was so soft here, feeling how your pulse fluttered beneath his lips, how you sighed and gasped when he nipped at the skin, made him lightheaded.

One of his hands traveled down your body. Over so much skin, warm and pliant, now that no fabrics obscured his path, and slowly slipped between your legs again.

You moaned. The sound washed over him like Phagousa’s blessing, set his nerves ablaze and made him yearn all the more for you. He twitched, which you probably felt against your thigh, and he closed his eyes to reign himself in.

You were so warm and slick between your legs. No doubt also due to his previous ministrations. Still, the wet sounds mixed with your little gasps and moans, echoed in his head as if they wiped his mind blank, leaving no room for anything but this occasion.

Mydei raised his head from your neck, found your eyes, and when he found no hesitation, no uncertainty, he slowly pushed a finger inside of you. He heard your sharp intake of breath, felt the shudder taking a hold of your body, as his finger was surrounded by warmth and-

Tightness. Even around his finger. And he inhaled sharply thinking about how you were supposed to take all of him.

A lack of experience or interest didn’t make him entirely unaware about the situation and the last thing he wanted - the last thing you needed - was for him to make you uncomfortable. Or even put you in pain.

It would ruin everything you’ve found in him so far.

He would make this right. He could make you feel good. If it was safety and comfort you craved to find with him he would provide. He could.

“Mydei,” you said, your voice a breathless whisper. It pulled him out of his thoughts. And made him realize that you have cupped his face in your hands. His features relaxed, unclenched his jaw, the frown dissipating…

“I’m okay,” you whispered and Mydei closed his eyes. With a deep breath he leaned into your hand and took a moment to calm himself.

Yes, maybe he was overthinking this.

He would do whatever he could to make this pleasurable - memorable in all the right ways - and he trusted your judgment. If you said you were fine he would believe you.

He took his time nonetheless.

His finger moved inside you slowly, moving in and out without any rush, while he spread kisses along your body. Mydei listened to every sound you made, took note of every twitch of your body, every reaction to his every move.

And only when you moaned, when you rolled your hips against his hand - he wondered if you even realized you were doing it - did he dare to add a second finger.

He swallowed your gasp with his mouth, let his tongue slip inside your own - his touch more confident, less experimental than before. He found a rhythm for how you kissed that made you smile into the kiss and stoked the fire within his own veins.

And still… Even as he had three fingers inside of you, stretching you, preparing you, with you trembling and panting beneath him, did he ponder if he could truly take away any possible discomfort of himself being inside of you.

He pulled his fingers out eventually. And his lips twitched upwards when you whined at the loss.

Mydei adjusted his position between your legs again. One hand on your waist, the other on your thigh, stroking - caressing - the skin as if to soothe you. Though the first slide of his erection along your slick folds sent a jolt of electricity through him that almost overwhelmed him.

Titans…

“Are you alright?” he asked you. You nodded. With your chest heaving and your lips parted but nothing but devotion - or was it adoration? - in your eyes. How could you - anyone - gaze up at him with such an expression when all he’s ever been known for was violence and causing slaughter on the battlefield?

“I trust you,” you said and he tried to ignore how his heart thumped louder in his chest for a moment at your words.

He adjusted his position, encouraged you to hold onto this neck or shoulders, while he took himself into one hand and aligned himself with your entrance.

He felt you tense the moment your heat began to engulf him and Mydei had to close his eyes and keep still to not give in to the sensations crushing down on him. Even so, the small wince that you tried to hide didn’t escape him.

He didn’t move further. Instead, he lowered himself onto his forearms again, with his hand brushing strands of your hair out of your face. Slow gestures. Gentle. To distract you. Comfort you.

Only when you sighed, when you sunk even more into the cushions did he push in further. A little bit with every deep breath you took and focusing on the expressions on your face made it easier for him to bear this agonizingly slow pace, this yearning deep in his body that made him want to sink into you. Further into this heat.

A gasp spilled over his lips when his hips met yours and he paused with a shudder.

Like a divine blessing to find his way inside of you fully and in that moment, he couldn’t fathom how he ever went without it. He didn’t anticipate it would feel this way. Intense. Overwhelming.

And you…

You looked so pretty. Breathtaking. Ethereal. How you trembled beneath him, your hands blindly reaching for him, to cling to him, to ground yourself. Were you feeling the same way? Did you feel just as good as he was?

He kissed you then. Both out of a yearning from being so close to them and because he wanted to give you more time. To adjust. To lose that subtle tension in your jaw from having him inside of you.

“M-Mydei,” you said after what felt like an eternity, your voice breathless. But as he found your gaze, he realized the call of his name was not out of discomfort. No. Your hands found his shoulders, your fingers dug into his skin, your lips parted.

And then you pushed up your hips into his.

He groaned at the gesture. Unexpected. Overwhelming. But he took the cue and slowly began to move.

It was so warm inside of you - scorching even - but the kind of heat one yearned for. He wouldn’t mind if it engulfed and devoured him completely. This was different from the fire in his veins on the battlefield. Intense just as much. Yet, different.

His pace remained slow. There was no rhythm. Only him rolling and pushing his hips back and forth, sliding in and out of you. Experimental. Examining and watching your reactions while the fire in his veins wiped his mind utterly blank.

This felt so unlike everything he’s ever known. The fire blazing in his veins reminded him of when this body was revived and yet, there was no pain. Just endless warmth and an embrace he wanted to sink into until it consumed him.

He lost himself in your warmth. In the feeling of your soft skin on his own. Mydei reached for your hand clinging to his shoulder as if your life depended on it. He slid his fingers up your arm, encircled your wrist before pulling it away from his body with a kiss to your knuckles. With a heavy exhale as he rocked his hips against yours, did he put it down, pressed it into the cushions next to your head before a shudder ran along his spine.

His eyes closed on instinct as the sensations of being so deep inside of you took a hold of him.

“My… Mydei,” you breathed, your voice more strained than he expected. He opened his eyes, met your gaze, your wide eyes, a glance flashing across them that felt wrong. It didn’t belong into this moment.

“My wrist…” you whispered.

His gaze fell to where he was still holding your wrist to the bed. He stilled. And for a moment his heart ceased to beat.

He let go of your wrist as if he got burned on it and his gaze found yours. He didn’t know what those emotions were in those eyes that burned so intensely into his, he couldn’t tell if you were still trembling because of how you were joined or of an entirely different reason.

“I’m sorry,” he said. He lowered himself onto his forearms, placed them next to your head and leaned his forehead against yours. Too much. Maybe way too much contact for you but…

… He needed you to know it was not intentional. All he wanted was to make you feel comfortable, to let you know that his touch was meant to convey you could let go of yourself with him. That you were safe. Wit him.

“Do you want me to stop?” A genuine question and as much as he would despise having to leave you like this - not because of his own needs and desires but because he was a fool and lost himself in the moment and risked everything he wanted you to know and feel - he would pull away and offer anything that could hopefully remedy his mistake.

“… No,” you whispered, your warm breath fanning over his face. Your hands came up. A slight tremble in them but you wound them around his neck and held him close. Your eyes fell shut and he watched you with a pounding heart and still buried deep inside of you - frozen - while he waited as you composed yourself.

“Just… Give me a moment, please.”

He waited. He would wait until his next life if you had asked him to in this moment. He let you keep him close - his forehead to yours - as you breathed with eyes closed.

Only when you opened them again and tilted your head to press a kiss - nothing but a mere peck - to his lips did he allow himself to take a deep breath himself. And when you rolled your hips - sending a jolt through him that had him shudder on top of you from how still he has remained within you - he leaned upwards just slightly.

He remained close. Almost chest to chest, your faces mere inches apart. Every breath, every sound you made fanned over his face and he tried to deny it. Tried to fight the fact that whenever you moaned - when he moved inside of you - it sent shivers down his spine, stronger than any roll of his hips, any touch of your fingers on his skin…

Your voice sounded so… pleasant. A sound he liked to hear when you spoke. Or laughed with the children. But in this situation… He couldn’t explain why it had such an effect on him.

Your fingers wound themselves around his neck and dived into his hair. You seemed to be fond of holding on to him like that, he noticed. And he couldn’t deny how… nice it felt either.

He wondered if the gesture would feel this same way outside of the nature of this encounter too.

Though, you didn’t give him a chance to keep pondering it. You pulled him down and leaned upwards at the same time and pressed your lips to his once more.

Something about this kiss was different. It was more… untamed. Hungrier. Desperate. Feelings and sensations that boiled over and threatened to consume you both. With neither of you knowing how to let them out or indulge in them other than take.

He let it roll over him. Allowed himself to move faster, harder, relished in the gasps and moans that spilled freely over your lips. And swallowed them all up with his mouth. No discomfort. No pain. Just a need. He could feel it. In the way your fingers dug into his shoulders, how your hips bucked up into his to meet his every thrust, how every part of you writhed beneath him…

He wanted to commit it all to memory. Wanted to never let it - let you - leave his mind. You have wound yourself into his soul and wrapped yourself around his heart and as much as it was so against what the Kremnoan way was supposed to be, he couldn’t find it in him to care.

He wanted this. Wanted you.

A pressure built within him, growing stronger with every thrust into your welcoming heat and it seemed to him that every thought, every look at you, every sound you made, pushed him further towards that point that would inevitably consume him.

Was this how you have felt before? With how you writhed and moaned beneath him, would you feel like this again?

One of his hands trailed over your body, took in the twitching and tensing of your muscles beneath your skin, before he found that spot between your legs again.

Your reaction was immediate. And told him that it was the right move to make. Your back arched off the bed so slightly but it left your body trembling. You leaned your head to the side, pressed it into the pillows, eyes squeezed shut…

And Mydei himself groaned when he felt that sensation approaching. He never experienced it before - never cared - but every part of his body and mind - hazed and clouded by thoughts of you - let him know that something was approaching. And fast.

“Mydei… I…” Your voice broke, trailed off into a moan so sensual that it washed over him like Phagousa’s blessing.

And Mydei was gone.

Powerful and consuming. The sensation grabbing a hold of him devoured him entirely. Made him tremble and his muscles spasm. The fire in his veins set his body ablaze until nothing but this lightheaded feeling and… bliss remained.

In the haze of it all, he felt how you clenched around him as he spilled himself inside of you. He faintly registered how you shuddered and clung to him, with broken words and gasps on your lips, and he tried to take it all in. To look at you and watch you how good you felt, but he could do nothing but close his eyes and let the sensations rule his body and mind instead.

And once the sensations slowly faded, once he came back down from this incredible high, all that was left was calm. Peace. And the urge to cradle you in his arms, to cherish that warmth - that comfort - he found in your embrace.

Maybe it made him weak. Maybe it exposed a weakness of his of an entirely different nature. And yet, he pushed it aside. Shut these thoughts out.

He lowered himself on top of you. Carefully. Braced himself enough to not push too much of his weight on you. His forehead found your shoulder while your trembling hands slid through his hair. The moment so peaceful. Warm. Blissful.

It took an eternity for him to pull out of you. To lift his head to look into your eyes. Dazed and half-lidded, but glowing with something. Joy? Adoration? Something even deeper? He didn’t know and maybe it was hesitation that kept him from putting a name to it.

“Are you alright?” he asked, brushing a strand of your hair out of your face.

You smiled and nodded.

“Yeah,” you said and blinked. You paused for a moment, your mouth opening as if to say more but then your gaze turned inwards. He tilted his head.

“I… am. I’m really happy,” you said then and laughed. Mydei’s eyes widened the slightest bit. But… as the realization settled in that you weren’t talking about what you experienced together just now, but that your words implied much more than that, he allowed the small smile to show on his lips.

He pushed his arms beneath your form before he rolled you over until he was resting on the mattress, with you on top of him and in his arms. Your skin felt so warm against his, and he closed his eyes as he - as you both - basked in this moment.

You sighed, the sound and your breath fanned over his chest and you snuggled into his chest even more as if you weren’t already as close as possible to him. He wondered if you could hear the way his heart pounded - fast and hard - in his chest. Even so, you didn’t comment on it and neither did he try to deny it.

Mydei kept you close, his arms that up until now only knew the violence of a battlefield kept you close to him. Cradled you. And gave you that comfort and safety that you craved so much from him.

[astrologydray]

Ruler of the 11th through the houses

ruler of the 11th house through the houses — aka the placement that shows how you manifest your dreams, attract allies, influence your community, and leave your mark on the future. Where the ruler of your 11th house lands shows how your soul finds its tribe, builds connections, and channels collective energy into your personal goals.

11th House Ruler in the 1st House

You are the vision.

You’re the face of the movement, the one others gravitate toward. Friends and followers may project their ideals onto you. You’re a walking brand for your beliefs. Social power: You attract community by being you. Dreams come true through: Authenticity + self-leadership. “I am the change I want to see.”

11th House Ruler in the 2nd House

You build your dreams brick by brick.

You attract supportive people through your values, loyalty, and resourcefulness. You may earn money from communities or tech, or build wealth through your network. Social power: Grounded presence, steady loyalty. Dreams come true through: Monetizing your values + talents. “I invest in people who invest in me.”

11th House Ruler in the 3rd House

You speak your vision into existence.

You’re a social butterfly or a word magician. Your community forms through communication, writing, social media, or local circles. You inspire through your ideas. Social power: Your voice, message, and connections. Dreams come true through: Networking + sharing your mind. “My words spark movements.”

11th House Ruler in the 4th House

You build soul family, not just friends.

You attract community that feels like home. Your vision involves nurturing others, creating safe spaces, or honoring your roots. You’re the heart of the group. Social power: Emotional safety, vulnerability, inner knowing. Dreams come true through: Ancestral healing + intimate bonds. “My community is my chosen family.”

11th House Ruler in the 5th House

Your joy inspires the crowd.

You attract people through your art, charisma, and playful spirit. You’re the “main character” friend and a natural performer. You create collective change through beauty, love, and creativity. Social power: Confidence, originality, big Leo energy. Dreams come true through: Self-expression + fun. “I light up the room, and others follow the glow.”

11th House Ruler in the 6th House

You serve the collective.

You build community through service, healing, and dedication. You might meet your people at work or through wellness spaces. You’re the quiet power behind a bigger movement. Social power: Reliability, healing presence, humble service. Dreams come true through: Discipline + being of use. “I make my vision real, one step at a time.”

11th House Ruler in the 7th House

You build dreams in partnership.

You attract people through charm, collaboration, and diplomacy. Your community may include romantic partners, clients, or teammates. Balance is your gift. Social power: Relationship-building, 1-on-1 magic. Dreams come true through: Collaboration + alignment. “Together, we can do anything.”

11th House Ruler in the 8th House

You alchemize collective power.

You draw in intense, transformative connections. Your social circle might include healers, mystics, or powerful allies. You help others (and yourself) transform through shared purpose. Social power: Depth, secrets, magnetism. Dreams come true through: Shadow work, merging resources. “I change the world by facing what others fear.”

11th House Ruler in the 9th House

Your vision has wings.

You find community through travel, higher education, spirituality, or big-picture thinking. You may go global — teaching, preaching, or expanding minds. Social power: Wisdom, faith, worldview. Dreams come true through: Expansion, learning, spiritual alignment. “My tribe is worldwide.”

11th House Ruler in the 10th House

You’re known for your network.

Your legacy is tied to community impact. You may be a public figure, influencer, or leader who channels collective goals into something concrete. People watch you rise. Social power: Visibility, influence, credibility. Dreams come true through: Strategy + aligned authority. “My influence is my impact.”

11th House Ruler in the 11th House

You’re the community architect.

You were made to lead groups, organize movements, and spark future-forward shifts. You’re an innovator, a visionary, and a magnet for rebels + change agents. Social power: Authenticity, innovation, group synergy. Dreams come true through: Staying true to your weird genius. “I’m here to build the future.”

11th House Ruler in the 12th House

You dream in silence.

Your social power is spiritual, intuitive, or hidden. You may attract secret supporters, karmic friends, or spiritual allies. Solitude fuels your creativity + vision. Social power: Healing energy, dream wisdom, divine downloads. Dreams come true through: Rest, surrender, unseen support. “I connect through spirit first, then people.”